Thank you, fake drawer in my kitchen. Even though I’ve lived with you for ten years, you still manage to fake me out.
Thank you, neighbors who put up a sign that says, “We don’t swim in your toilet so don’t pee in our pool”. Pretty clever, but that’s not stopping me.
Thank you, ladies who wear cute rubber boots when it rains. Who are you, the Morton salt girl? Are you five years old? No, your 45 year old, and you look like a toddler who just lost her lunch box.
Thank you, Omelette, for being a more popular way of saying, “Egg Taco”. Thank you, fancy restaurant wine list, for providing me with plenty of notable choices to ignore while I look for the second-least expensive bottle on the menu. Thank you, mini-fridges, for making me feel like Shaq whenever I grab a yogurt. Thank you, antipasto, for really being against pasto.